Verbose

I am here again. Yes. Me being selfish and giving myself time to do what I wish.  So, I am writing down more of my daily thoughts that are rolling on and on.  I will start to sounds verbose throughout this I am sure. 
I am not one to hold onto things of material.  Well, if you include my closet and delicious taste for shoes I would say I just lied in that first statement.  But, when it comes to "stuff" I am the first to say give it away.  Purging feels so freeing to me.  Clutter in reality causes my brain to swell.  I am not exaggerating.  I honestly feel sorry for the people who have problems with hording.  That is like a nightmare to me.  Can you imagine feeling so bogged down and tied to belongings? 
I only cleaned out my bookcase, but it was so cleansing.  I have a whole 2 shelves that are empty. Clean.  Free.  I love it. 
The most amazing part of cleaning it all out today was realizing how much information I have read and studied over the past 10 years.  Books that have impressed my mind, taught me fundamentals, made me laugh, cry and ones that have helped keep me sane as I raise my children. 
Its crazy how much one can learn and store.  I was like KUDOS for me.....  Then it became clearer still that I have forgotten as much as I have learned.  I opened up some of my favorite text only to be utterly impressed again with the beautiful words that I once have read before.  The reminder that we are forever learning, forever needing to be reminded and I have let myself drift too far.  I have become just another life on this planet.  I forgot that I need guidance.  I need inspiration.  I need to be open to listen and learn.  To hear life.

So the last few days have been full of questions.  Love, Science vs. Reality.  Presnece. The real heart of what makes me me.  I love science, hence my degree in Health Science.  I am the absolute cliche' because I am convinced we are what we eat. To the core. I am believe there is a huge link between our emotions and our health.  So thank you Grandma for giving me the heads up on this.  The most amazing woman I know, Virginia Pickering, gave me several books growing up.  One that I picked up today and looked at the cover and thought, "this book is so old that it might be time to let go".  I opened it one last time before throwing it in that pile and was amazed at the words that starred at me on the page. I quote, " Romance is a passionate commitment to the happiness that life can offer".  Dr. Branden goes on to explain, "Many people live automatically.  Life loses its freshness.  Enthusiasm dies.  Passion dies.  I am not referring to only romantic love."  He goes on, "To be romantic is to see your life in beautiful, expanded terms".
Expanded terms.  Wow.  Breathtaking.  Like looking through a childs eye I suppose.  Brilliant colors and wonderment of everything you see.  I want to live vivid like this everyday.  I want to have the passion that drives my life.
The book is now on my nightstand where I plan on revisiting the chapters and tasting the words on my lips as I read them.  You know the saying, "Don't judge a book by its cover".  I leave tonight on that.

I leave tonight on being romantic.
Being alive.  

Day 1 - Journey inside my soul

Not sure where to start.  This is all new to me.  Not just writing in general, but what I am feeling and thinking.
It has been said that our first and our last love is - - self love.

I found myself totally surrendered last night.  Crying, confused and open.  It was like someone or some force in this universe wanted me to see something.  I felt it.  I felt it split my brain down the center and fill me up.  I can describe this feeling as warm and gentle.  I heard music.  Yes, it was music coming from one of my stations on Pandora, but it was made for me last night.  To most of you that know me you might find what comes next to be crazy.  I might sound confused.  I can assure you though, what I experienced last night was bigger and heavier than anything I have ever professed.

"Trust the movement of Reality in and through your own experience, and you will recognize It within the immediacy of every present moment"

I have been living a life so "aware" of nothing.  Fear has kept me from being opened.  The fear of everything unknown will keep you a prisoner if you let it.  I was reminded again that we are so small.  I sit here yet I am standing on my favorite beach in Lanikai feeling so small at the foot of the ocean.  I can just feel the power as the waves break and water rolls onto my feet ever so gently as it reaches the shore.  I am taken back instantly, to that place, that one place where I am open.  I am now breathing it in.  This is one place that I have always felt safe and "alive". 

I used to write poetry when I was younger.  I think I used to be more connected to my soul then.  It was my way of reflecting and interconnecting my body and my soul.   I had a beautiful entaglement with my self last night.  I sat at my computer with a flow of words and feelings wondering how to express them, how do I share.  The obvious answer was to write them down.  My more concious and fearful self said, "Who has time to sit and write". 

This is me.  This is my new beginning.  I am flower.  I love Colorado.  I have lived and participated in life for 31 years in several states and countries.  I am ready to be free, awakend, and to LOVE inconceivably great to those around me.  I am ready to blossom and this is just the beginning.