Not sure where to start. This is all new to me. Not just writing in general, but what I am feeling and thinking.
It has been said that our first and our last love is - - self love.
I found myself totally surrendered last night. Crying, confused and open. It was like someone or some force in this universe wanted me to see something. I felt it. I felt it split my brain down the center and fill me up. I can describe this feeling as warm and gentle. I heard music. Yes, it was music coming from one of my stations on Pandora, but it was made for me last night. To most of you that know me you might find what comes next to be crazy. I might sound confused. I can assure you though, what I experienced last night was bigger and heavier than anything I have ever professed.
"Trust the movement of Reality in and through your own experience, and you will recognize It within the immediacy of every present moment"
I have been living a life so "aware" of nothing. Fear has kept me from being opened. The fear of everything unknown will keep you a prisoner if you let it. I was reminded again that we are so small. I sit here yet I am standing on my favorite beach in Lanikai feeling so small at the foot of the ocean. I can just feel the power as the waves break and water rolls onto my feet ever so gently as it reaches the shore. I am taken back instantly, to that place, that one place where I am open. I am now breathing it in. This is one place that I have always felt safe and "alive".
I used to write poetry when I was younger. I think I used to be more connected to my soul then. It was my way of reflecting and interconnecting my body and my soul. I had a beautiful entaglement with my self last night. I sat at my computer with a flow of words and feelings wondering how to express them, how do I share. The obvious answer was to write them down. My more concious and fearful self said, "Who has time to sit and write".
This is me. This is my new beginning. I am flower. I love Colorado. I have lived and participated in life for 31 years in several states and countries. I am ready to be free, awakend, and to LOVE inconceivably great to those around me. I am ready to blossom and this is just the beginning.
Beautiful, baby. You are in a good place. Being open to BEING OPEN is the first step in what will be a glorious adventure. It's easy to be busy. It's easy to let life call the shots. It's easy to make excuses for why we aren't the people we want to be. But we are not meant to live as puppets on strings, ruled by our obligations, by our circumstances. We are the PUPPET-MASTERS. It all begins with self. Self-awareness and self-sacrifice. It's a tricky balance between taking care of ones self, nurturing your soul and being selfish. It is a balance that if learned and applied will change your life drastically. The more you know you, the more you love you, the more you will be able to know others and the bigger your capacity to love will be. I know full well what an expanding heart feels like. Be prepared for appreciation and satisfaction to turn your world upside down. I know what a beautiful, kind heart you have. I know what a lover you are. It can get bigger, it can get better and it's sooo worth striving for that place of joy. Best wishes, my dear.
ReplyDeleteYour post made me think of two quotes that I adore. Both are worth pondering and have served as great inspiration for me when I'm writing.
ReplyDelete"Funny how we think of romance as always involving two, when the romance of solitude can be ever so much more delicious and intense."
-Tom Robbins
"The flower does not dream of the bee. It blossoms and the bee comes." — Mark Nepo
Much love!!